Wednesday, October 6, 2010

All the Single Ladies (but especially the bitter ones)

By: Trevsies. This is something he wrote on his fbook and i stole it.
Just kind of funny. Thought I'd share.

I wanted to throw a little bone to some of the single ladies out there who are single and grumpy about it.

*Warning: The following will contain generalizations about men and women. If you are offended by this, then get off the internet.*

What is a bitter, single lady?

We've all met/dated/had to listen to a bitter single lady at some point. It usually goes something like this:

"I can't believe he's dating AN 18-YEAR-OLD." Or, "He's only dating her cause she's a dumb blond who's dumb enough to like HIM." Or something along those lines.

Well that's a little exaggerated, but we've all heard a conversation like that where the offended party can't believe that a male in their life is dating someone younger (so she MUST be dumber) than him. Then they begin to try and tear-down the younger (and OBVIOUSLY stupid-er) girl. This is a sure sign of a bitter, single lady.

Now here's that bone I said I was gonna throw you: GUYS DON'T WANT TO DATE BITTER, SINGLE LADIES.

Why do guys date "young, stupid chicks?"

Here are some things you may not know about young, stupid chicks. Young, stupid chicks tend to have fun on dates. Young, stupid chicks tend to BE fun on dates. Young, stupid chicks tend to talk less about how hard it is to be around Utah Mormons and unmarried. Young, stupid chicks tend to be realistic about their future (i.e. they aren't planning on being a surgeon, a teacher, the president, and the mother of your kids someday). Young, stupid chicks tend to be more open-minded about their male friends' young, stupid chick girlfriends. Young, stupid chicks tend to be good people to date for all these reasons plus many more (and notice I didn't even mention their boobs or their hair color...weird).

Simply put, guys date young, stupid chicks for a lot more reasons than bitter, single ladies would like to know or admit. But if you do know, then you can emulate and no longer be so bitter. You can just:

--Have fun on dates.

--Be fun on dates.

--Talk less about how hard it is to be around Utah Mormons and unmarried.

--Be realistic about your future (i.e. don't plan on being a surgeon, a teacher, the president, and the mother of kids someday).

But that's not all bitter, single ladies. I've got more advice and absolutely no credentials to convince you to trust it.

A few bitter, single lady "should not's":

1. You should not make up your own dating rules.

Not too long ago I heard a (very) bitter, single lady complaining to some of our classmates about a guy who was pursuing her. She said something like this,

"He called me and I was busy so I ignored it. My rule is that if he wants to talk to me, he'll call back."

Yikes. What a STUPID dating rule. First of all, that is a rule which would best suit a snooty supermodel (and this girl had no reason to be snooty and wouldn't be mistaken for a supermodel).

And second of all, she's sifting for creepy d-bags. I don't even have to ask her to find out that this girl is constantly dating creepy d-bags. How do I know? Her stupid dating rule systematically removes normal guys from her dating pool. NORMAL guys call once, leave a message, and wait to hear back. The end. Creepy d-bags however, have no sense for what girls call "hints." Some of them can get completely rejected and think that its just part of "the game." Well bitter, single lady, you've got a good system for attracting creepy d-bags, but I think Dateline NBC already does a show about that.

Don't make up your own rules bitter, single're not good at it.

2. You should not make lists of "he'd better not's."

I was dropping eaves on a bitter, single lady when I heard something to this effect,

"I went to church with him and saw him take his phone out of his pocket and I thought, 'he'd better not be TEXTING IN CHURCH or it is OVER!'"

Yikes. The problem with developing a list of "he'd better not's" is that you tend to talk about them in public. When people hear a bitter, single lady talk about the things "he'd better not do" they just think you're mean, judgmental, and worst of all a nag.

Don't be a nag. Most men can endure a lot of problems with a relationship, but nagging is just too much to handle. Be nice, guys do stupid stuff, don't nag them.

3. You should not put weird time lines on events in dating.

I was in a conversation with a future bitter, single lady talking about a guy she had started dating. When someone else asked if he had tried to kiss her she said,

"No. He knows my three day/date rule." (Translation: thou shalt not attempt to kiss future bitter, single lady on the lips until you answer me these questions three...mwah ha ha ha.)

Yikes. This isn't a game with a list of rules to follow and hoops to jump through in order to win -- this is dating. If you want to play sports then go join a softball team (which you'll find yourself playing a lot of if you don't shape up -- ba zing). When you tell a guy a rule like that you're just challenging him to break it. Then, the right guy will come along and he WILL break it, and he will dump you and move on to the next challenge.

Or you'll hold strong to your three days/dates, he'll wait it out, he'll put in his time and then he'll EXPECT his reward after he's paid his three days/dates. There's another thing I've heard of where guys pay a price and then expect kisses and such from a lady in return...I think it was on C.O.P.S. and they called them "the guys who paid ladies for sexual favors in return." I don't remember, but there is something in real-life like this...maybe you can think of it. *cough cough* prostitution *cough*

How about this instead: just be genuine. Date guys cause you're interested in them, get to know them, and let the events (first kiss, etc...) happen when they happen. This will make things a lot less weird for everyone and guys will probably date you for more than three dates/days.

Conclusion...I guess

I'm no expert. These are just some thoughts/observations that I have made throughout my time at college. I've dated older girls and taken a lot of crap for dating younger ones. But the "crap" I get for having dated young (and married young) will never outweigh the benefits. My wife is nice (even to girls who aren't her same age, weird huh?), she doesn't judge me/nag me for stupid things, we kissed when we felt like it, we returned each others' calls, we have fun on dates, she IS fun on dates, and most of all SHE IS NICE.

So what I'm saying is this: if you're bitter and single and a lady then just BE NICE. Things will get better.


  1. this is so great and so true
    it made my day
    great post

  2. HEY! thanks for the comment. You're a sweetheart. I wish I could work full time but jumping right into the whole "booth-rent" scene is expensive and requires patience, which i am lacking. but one day, i'll work full time and it will be wonderful! :) YOUR BLOG IS STINKIN CUTE and funny. haha I LOVE the picture at the top. and I love that I have only met you a few times but we can be blogging friends! :) Thanks for the comment, and the good read about bitter single ladies. haha no one likes one of those, and trevor is right, you are nice and cool! :) keep posting, and ill keep reading. cheers, alex.

  3. GREAT POST!!! I love Trevors writing. SO good! I hope I am not a bitter single lady. Maybe i will talk to Trevor to find out if I am? LOVe you both!

  4. EMO. You KNOW you are not. We had this conversation! Ha ha. Love you baby. Thanks Chels and Alex! He's a hoot.